another slacky day which one feels as though he does not want to start on his homework.
however,the overwhelming pressure that one feels from the large mountain of homework one has is too great, and one finally has succumbed to the pressure, and has started on his homework!well,its just a slight start,but better than nothing anyway.
thinking about the amt of homework will give one a headache,so one will rather not think about it, and from here onwards will not talk abt it any longer
today morning my two brothers quarrelled..which isnt really very unusual anyway..even though it doesnt concern me,but i still heard some of it..and on top of that my mum was scolding them,so i heard most of the scolding as well..but it wasnt directed at me =)
anyway,my brothers and i have nv really been that close..as a matter of fact, we dont know very much about each other's private lives..we're not the kind that shares all the secrets..and we tend to keep our personal lives separate..my parents also arent really that close..they dont know most of wat i do outside of home..just the main details..
looking at other ppl's families,it's enough to make me wish i had a sister..one that would talk to me when i'm feeling down,that would be able to talk to me and discuss anything,even sensitive issues such as relationships and all that..one that would be able to share my troubles..and the list goes on..
quite a number of my friends have sisters that dote and care for them..and seriously i really envy them a lot..however,no matter how hard one longs for one,it isnt possible..so one just has to bear with it..unless one can find a friend that is almost the same as a sister,it is not possible..
also,my number of female friends..those that are truly my friends..the number is pathetic..not counting the online friends,since those are just ppl to chat with but cannot really be counted as friends..it is indeed very little..maybe i suck at interpersonal relations..or perhaps i'm just not the type who makes friends easily..as in real friends..not those temporary ones..and wats worse is that when u consider someone as one of ur best female friends, and she sometimes ignores ur smses and messages,only replying those she feels like replying..and when she tells u that to her u're just another ordinary friend..it makes one wonder if seriously,does one even have any real gal friends at all?that is why many ppl will say that one is despo..as he seems to want the number of a lot of gals..but in actual fact,it is not because i wan a gf that bad..believe it or not,it's up to u..i wont bother to waste any time trying to persuade those who dont believe it..that's their problem not mine..
anyway, something that kaisheng said to me b4 also suddenly comes to mind..he said that since ppl dont bother to buy presents for u on ur bday,why should u waste ur money buying presents for them since they dont even reciprocate?so..i guess this yr i may do just that..i'm sick of trying to please ppl anyway..especially those whom i think are my best friends but they say i'm just their normal friend..it's disheartening to hear that..and it makes u wonder if wat u have done for them is all for naught..
also,one wonders if he even has any friends at all..example is when one doesnt message anyone at all,no one will message him..that's the sad fact..and is true for most of the time..so one really doubts his so called 'true' friends at times..(chongxin and eyu are exceptions cause they dont own a hp anyway lol)
maybe it's because one is sort of a pessimist..or maybe i'm just suddenly feeling very emo today..but one wishes for the day when he finally has some real friends whom he can share his innermost thoughts with..haiz..
competition at kampong glam cc tmr and on sunday..and that's another reason why one wishes he had real gal friends..so that there would be ppl to go support him at such events..and to accompany him as well..even though one doesnt play very well either..lol
that's all for today..shall go slp soon..
Yen Chuan penned at 11:19 PM
